Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
