I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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