I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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