How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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