Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
