i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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