I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
