I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
