I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
