either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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