Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
