My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
