is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
