Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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