i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
