Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
