i just wanna soil my oats bro
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
