Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
