Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
