Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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