We're facebook friends in real life
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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