Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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