Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
