Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
