That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
