i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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