i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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