but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
