I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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