I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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