there's paper in my vomit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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