No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
