Well douche your snatch and let's go!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
