You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
