woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
