I want to walk on stilts...naked
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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