By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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