He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
