I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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