I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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