Your mouth is God's brothel.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
