We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
