I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My ass is underappreciated
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
