babies were throwing up all over the place
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
