how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
