New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
