No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
