The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
