I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
