I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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