saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
