Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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